County Fair

Ch-ch-ch-ch-CHANges

Jim is going back to work tomorrow for the company where he has worked for 27 years.  It will be the first time back to work in 4 years.  He has been on disability because of several back surgeries and then the heart surgery.  We both feel kind of nervous and unsettled.  Yes, it IS a good thing that he's returning but it will be a huge change for us.  We actually get along very well together with him home.  A lot of women go crazy when their husbands are laid up and surely there have been times when I felt the loss of my personal space.  But for the most part, we do very well inhabiting the same area.  We have learned to take breaks from each other, ask for room and quiet, and have learned to respect one another. 

One big toll that has been taken for me is a confusion in my surroundings and I have gotten more cluttered in the house than I ever have in my life.  Sometimes I just can't think straight and don't put my things away.  Other times, I just don't have the energy to do it.  Maybe Jim going back to work will result in a little sanity for me, knowing that we don't have to struggle financially as hard.  That's a real energy drain; that worry always hanging over us.

So my schedule will be working my 2-3 shifts at the hospital per week, watching Chase on Wednesday and Friday, teaching gourd classes as I schedule them.  AAHHH!  Routine!! hmmm.....change is in the air for sure.

One thing that I'm looking forward to is a trip to Boise to see Sarah, Jake and Jim on the 11th.  My dear friend and angel, DesertRose, has generously paid for tickets for us to all go together.  Her two daughters live in Boise also.  For those of you who know how eerie and parallel our lives are, is this at all surprising?  Just last night, we were talking on the phone and she told me that she had bought a bead loom to do some bead work on.  This is a first for her.  I haven't beaded in quite a while but on the same day, had pulled out an old loom-beading book; it was sitting right in front of me when we were talking.  Cathy said, "that's wierd".  I said, "not for us".

Here's to positive change!

 

 

edit Monday 11 am:

Please go and check my bestest friend DesertRose's blog today...she's so witty! 

Jim and I met a friend from Xanga yesterday; Archaelologist.  We had a great lunch and a fun time chatting.  It always amazes me the way that  you can feel like you "know" someone online and then in person, they're totally different.  I loved how outgoing and ready-to-laugh Kate is!!  We share a passion for history, The Strawberry Festival (music), reading, our grandchildren, and Scottish Games, and much more.  (don't worry, Kate, I won't tell anyone you cuss like me! )

I taught 2 gourd classes in Folsom on Friday which was great.  I love the energy that I get and give from teaching classes.  Met some new friends and saw some who I had already known.  Most gourders are really warm people and I feel very at-home with them. 

Going to the festival today reaffirmed my decision that I made about making production work: I don't want to do production work.  I enjoy seeing what people make but I don't want to be a factory.

Cheers!

 

 

An entry inspired by Creative_Writing_Challenge:

Tattoooooooooo

I have thought of getting a tattoo off and on over the past several years.  The problem is that I can't think of anything that will age well with me.  I'm 43 years old right now and I keep thinking about what my tattoo as a 65 year-old great granny is going to look like.  When you're young and all of your skin is nice and tight, you don't think about your design warping and changing but having seen the effects of age on skin, I know that gravity happens. 

I think about the patients I've had as a Doula (labor and delivery coach); young moms who come in with misshapen sun tattooed around their navel and jewelry stud popping out lopsided from their distended bellybutton.  Not too sexy.  I don't tell them that sometimes skin doesn't go back into place exactly where it started from.  No worries about me tattooing my belly.  I'd like to forget that I have one.  Why in the hell would I want to call attention to it?

I have considered a band around my arm in a celtic or tribal design but then I have visions of little parts of it sagging like a charm bracelet.  I would have to commit myself to working out regularly for the rest of my life so my design stays in place.  Getting a tattoo would come with a decision not only to wear a design from here on out but to work my butt off to look good.  I don't know if I'm that interested.  Think I'll just use henna when I get the urge to decorate myself.  That way, if I feel like writing, "superbitch" on myself, I won't have to live with it at 70.

 

Gone Canoeing

We were here today.

First day back in the canoes this year after Jim passed his treadmill and echocardiagram on Thursday.   It was healing.

I had the week from hell but today went a long way toward making me better.  We're at mom's house, having a relaxing time and eating WAY too much (my mom's cooking is heavenly).

I missed seeing the eagles this spring.  Hopefully, they'll be back next year in May.

Cheers!

Work has been a roller coaster for me.  I have been in tears twice after leaving the hospital.  I have also met some of the neatest people.  I've been praying for a thicker skin in relation to dealing with doctors and nurses.  Some of them are great and I know them from when I worked labor and delivery before.  Some are new and great, some are new and disrespectful to patients, a very few have been around and are still sour.  And county doctors....I don't even want to go there. 

I have changed a bit since I've been away from the hospital and it has been for the good.  Maybe because I've worked more with mothers that I know and love, I seem to be better at addressing emotional needs.  I still know all the same tricks but I noticed that I can identify and work with the mom's emotional state quicker. 

I'm a bit tired and drained, though.  I started to blog the other day and it was all fuck this and fuck that.  So I decided to breathe it through.  It will take some time for me to adjust.  Going back to the hospital has reinforced my desire to work in a birth center and home births eventually.  We don't have a birth center here....we're kind of backwards in that way. 

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11-day old Gourd Baby (same one that I pollinated)

 

 

                                                 

My baby, Erin, turned 21 today.  And I remember the day that she was born as if it were yesterday.  It's crazy how much you can love a kid.  So much it feels like your heart is going to burst.  That's how I love Erin.  Of course, all of the girls, but today is Erin's day so I'll just talk about her.

Erin had curly black hair and a little impish face.  She was wide-eyed and intelligent.  I had a really good labor with her.  Cathy, Desertrose, was with me as I labored and before she was born.  (thanks for holding my hair when I threw up, Cathy!) 

Birth is a beautiful, mystical passage.  It made me proud and happy to be a woman.  It made me awestruck at what the human body is capable of.  And at that moment when I met that little being, who was nestled safely inside my body for so long, I felt like I had been transported to heaven.  True contentment.  A feeling of "this is what I was created for".

Watching Erin grow up has been a privelege for both Jim and I.  She has always been sensitive, bright, and so very loving.  Her childhood seemed magical to me because she made it that way.  And she still plays and makes magic in the world around her.  Erin is one of those special people that you meet in life and say, "Wow!  What a neat person!" 

Again I say that I'm blessed to have been entrusted with her care for a few short years.  Erin, you're my little Irish Angel. 

 

I listed my Blessing Bowl on Ebay for Hurricane Katrina relief if any of you are interested.  I haven't been able to donate a lot monetarily so I wanted to give from what I made. 

Ebay Link

As Michel requested, here are a couple of pictures of Chase:

                     
Chase waving hello to Auntie Sarah                 Had to coax a picture out of him

  Gourd Baby: 5 Days old     

Currently Playing in my head:  Leon Russell

Imperfection is Beauty

         
Three candle bowls

BrendaClews has been posting an interesting series of blogs about what she is looking for in a partner.  Several other readers, including Vexations, have joined in to philosophize.  It is a healthy and stimulating conversation.  I think that when we look at the things we're looking for in another person, we can learn a lot about our own selves.

I don't feel qualified to make large statements on this because I'm not in their shoes.  My guess is that perspective changes drastically when you are in the thick of it.  If you look out of a window, you can see a view of the yard.  If you change the place that you're standing, you may see a whole other picture.

Imperfection is something that has been on my mind.  This year has been the most difficult that I can remember having.  Sometimes when I'm mad at fate or God, I tell myself this:

"Everything is exactly as it's supposed to be."

Life is so damned imperfect.  People are imperfect.  I think of this many times while I'm working on gourds.  I'm beginning to love the texture of imperfection as the mark of originalty.  Of course, each person has to decide how much imperfection that is different from their own or hard to tolerate they are willing to put up with.  I wrote to Ken not long ago that quirky people usually raise quirky children.  I look at it as texture. 

STILL listening to Tony Furtado.  I can't seem to get enough of his music!!  It has....you guessed it.....texture!!