August 1, 2006

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    Internet Island Topic Post #16.00: "Secrets, Confessions, Opinions, and Comfort"




    16.01: Secrets


    A lot of secrets are shattered in the blogging community, thanks to the relative anonymity of the process. Since we can be anything we want to be in cyberspace, it is a perfect place to share secrets great and small. Have you ever shared a secret with your internet brethern, or would you like to do so now?



    I tend to share a lot on my blog.  On my old Xanga site, sometimes I shared REALLY intimate parts of my life.  Why do I have a new blog?  Well the truth is that I wrote some things in my old blog that were read by my in-laws and my mom and I hurt their feelings.  I saved my old blog to disk so that I would have a record of my online "journal".  The first incident had to do with me complaining about my mother in law when Jim had his heart surgery last year.  I was really stressed and didn't have much tolerance for other peopes' processes.  I panicked and shut the site down when I found out that she was upset.  A little later, I found out that I had also hurt my mom with things that I had wrote.


    Blogging, for me, can be dangerous and deceiving in its illusion of  anonymity. Although I use it to write and process things that are very unformed in my mind...kind of like thinking online...those thoughts can be brutal and the feelings of the moment can seem monumental.  It helps me to sort things out or just blow off some steam when I write but I don't like to hand write in a journal.   Blogging has been more useful to me.


    I guess somehow I lost sight of who was reading my blog and the public nature of it.  I wrote things that I wouldn't have chosen to share with those people because I felt no need to drag that crap up.  Sometimes I feel like I'm just talking to myself out loud when I blog.


    The situation with my mom was the worst because I believe that we have a very good relationship.  We've had some rocky times and there are things that I have had to take responsibility for, ugly things on my part.  But you know, my mother is a good and wonderful woman.  And it absolutely broke my heart to know how I had hurt her.  I didn't talk to her about some of those things in person before because I knew that they were mine to work out and would only cause pain if spoken out loud.  We worked it out, I think, but I fear that I may have left some scars with her.  Hopefully our relationship is stronger having worked through it.


    I'm more careful now in what I write.  Maybe that's not all good because I really did love the freedom to just spew out all kinds of shit from my brain  but I have to face reality: blogs are public.  If you write it, it may come back and hit you in the face.


    Any secrets that I share here would have to be those that I'm fairly sure wouldn't hurt someone somewhere.


     

Comments (12)

  • I have a very limited online face... I usually make stuff private that I am afraid might get me and I think I know my in-person readers.  Wonder if private would be a good thing... or protected?  My extended fam is not net savvy... and the people I invited back before I knew what I was doing didn't come.  I wish that hadn't happened to you, but I guess stuff does happen for a reason... may the heal be bigger than the hurt.  BTW, I yub Keb... thanks for introducing me.  Recently, I was so pleased when I picked his voice out on a compilation work. (((HUGS!)))

  • You are certainly not the first or last to have others hurt by your own journaling process. Blessings to you on your new site, and I hope you don't stifle yourself. Just protect those posts that only your cyberfolks should see. (beautiful profile pic btw)

  • I must be the lucky one. I've never upset anyone.

  • nice post, very honest and what i imagine to be you.  unlike you i keep my posting further from my intimate me.  i do journal in written form and it is closer to the core but my art is where i expose layers i am not even familiar with and my face-to-face with my chosen intimates is where i inevitably do the scaring in person.  oh those lucky chosen intimates.  -g

  • Dear Lisa,

    1. I really like the frog gourd.

    2. When I was blogging on Blogger (pre comments) or just writing on my website, I don't know who is visiting. On Xanga, with comments, I usually get feedback on each post. I don't have close inlaws, and for the most part I write about the past, so I don't have to worry, as you did, about people reading something that is negative towards them.

    I have read a lot of folks who "protect" their sites for just that reason. I think that with comments, we tend to get a lot of positive feedback from our online friends, so it makes us more apt to bare our souls even moreso, and since it's all 'just words' and we aren't physically facing someone, the experience seems personal, and yet distanced at the same time.

    It's good that you saved what you had written on the other blog. Your words and thoughts are important, even if they are just for you.

    Thanks for participating.

    Michael F. Nyiri, poet, philosopher, fool

  • I wrote a similar response!  But in my case, I really don't know FOR SURE if my blog was read by people it might have afffected, I only SUSPECT.  I hate to twist in the wind like that.  At least you know, and can address the issue!

  • A very sensible response! One must take responsibility for what you are blogging. The anonimity is really an illusion...anybody can be tracked with a little bit of effort.

  • It's not just blogging.  Anything you put on paper can and usually will be read by someone.  I've been burned that way many, many times.

    which quote?

    ttfn

  • Thanks for telling us about why you got a new blog Lisa. I had been wondering! But I completely agree with how blogging can give you a false sense of anonimity which can be dangerous. That's why when I chose a blog name, I decided just to use my real name, because it reminded me that I anything I wrote would be attributed to me. Having said that I still forget sometimes!

    Problem also is the idea that the word 'blogging' makes me think that its a process of diarising, when actually, it is publishing! And as with all forms of publishing, you are putting yourself out there to be praised or cut down!

  • Beautiful!!!

    I love this site.

  • You are right to take caution , Lisa . However I don' t remember things of your ancient site that were  hurting ??? But people are sometimes very sensitive . 
    I put a comment on your previous blog . What a delicious frog . !

    Love        Michel

  • I'm careful about what i write, too... not so much because of secrets, but that people in general tend to misunderstand things and jump to conclusions. Good post!

    May grace & peace be yours!
    Steve

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